Sunday, January 15, 2012

the 10 Super Hero Movie Costumes They Didn't F*ck Up



10. Thor (Thor)


(Thor: huge Judd Nelson/ Breakfast Club fan)

    Ripped straight out of the comics, it'd be hard to track down a fanboy who had a single gripe with this Asgardian Armor.  The costume gets extra points for being painfully impracticle (Chris Hemsworth often dealt with searing pain and immobility while performing in it), while managing to look like exactly what one would want to wear in a cosmic battle with a whiny brother.


9. Batman (Batman Returns)
(I'm sorry I tried to fool you into thinking these were real muscles; I won't let you down again)

     Many may cry afoul of this choice, as the 1989 Batman is considered the classic, but his fake abs and chesticles were lauded at the time and drew the resentment of everyone who had actual muscles on their torso.  Also, look closely and you'll see he's wearing Nike's in #1.  The Returns outfit looked more protective and stylish, the optimal choice for any sadistic millionare crime hunter.  It also beats out Nolan's two Batsuits as their headpieces are large and awkward, and they both look terrible in the light.  Oh, and Joel Shumacher's bat suits are obviously not on here because of their nipples (that's what he gets for molesting Corey Haim to death).

8. Fantastic Four (Fantastic Four)

(Why did Chris Evan's head have to be photoshopped on here?  He wasn't even famous yet, where the hell was he?)

     People love to hate on this movie; well, direction, script, acting and Dr. Doom's voice aside, these costumes looked great; one of the few instances where they actually looked better than in the comics.  So don't hate on the costume designers, hate on everyone else.

7. Diabolik (Danger Diabolik)

(Danger Diabolik is watching you poop)

    The very incarnation of complete bad-ass, Diabolik is quintessentially defiant to the platitude of Film Producers who insist that films need to add more pouches and seams onto every super character, lest they look comic-booky and destroy the reality of the film.

6. Sinestro (Green Lantern)

(I believe in a world where hugs AND drugs can coexist peacefully)

     While Hal Jordan's costume often looked fake and cheesy when presented on planet Earth, Sinestro and his environment of Oa complimented each other and made them seem like the only real things in the movie.  He also came off as more of a bad ass threat than in any of his previous visual incarnations (dig the scars man).

5. Nite Owl II (Watchmen)

(I dare you to not stare at my Tokyo robo-undies)

    Probably the least faithful adaptation in the entire Watchmen wardrobe, Nite Owl's costume was flashy and regal, while Dave Gibbons had originally designed it to be bland and gaudy; underlying intentions and metaphors aside, the film's Nite Owl II looks like a shiny, golden, super-god, and that's pretty cool.

4. the Joker (Dark Knight)

(Zombie Heath Ledgar seen roaming downtown hollywood for brains/ pills)

     Redefined a character that everyone thought they knew, made him dangerous and put new emphasis on the phrase, "psychotic, homicidal-maniac."  The implication: that comic book characters could be intended for mature audiences, was revolutionary.

3. DareDevil (DareDevil)

(Daredevil: what happened when the shit met the fan)

     Ben Affleck is a talentless void of charisma; but at least this suit covers most of that up.  The eyes, the horns, the leather; they turned a guy in bright red spandex into something demonic.  Aside from Colin Farrel, this costume is easily the best thing in this movie.

2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: the Movie)

(You know I'm played by Corey Feldman, right?  LOOK AT ME!!!)

     For some reason they were never able to replicate the realism of the first film's outfits; much like RoboCop, the series took a major dip in quality and is mostly regarded as kiddie fluff with the exception of this one perfect movie.

1. Venom (Spider-Man 3)

(Conclusive evidence that Venom is in fact British)

     Topher Grace was a terrible Eddie Brock, and this film isn't good by any means, but damn if Venom doesn't look completely horrifying and accurate.  Many cite his inclusion in this film as the reason why the movie sucks, but being as it is, Venom is the only reason this movie warrants any re-watching.  Even if Sam Raimi "never got him."

0. IRON MAN (IRON MAN 1 & 2)


(Iron Man knows what this city needs: MORE POT-HOLES)


     Perfection.  Nuff' Said!

Closing thoughts:
Why can't they get the Punisher even close to right?  Spider-man's lame 3d costume webbing kept him off the list, as did Robo Cop's overall bulkiness.  Also, Captain America's duds are passable but constantly teeter on the verge of hilarity.

Honorable Mention:

Power Rangers: the Movie


(Hey, at least they tried)


Also:

Robin (Batman & Robin)


(Disqualified for possessing rubber nipples)

Agree, Disagree, wanna' Troll?  Please leave a comment below and let us know how you feel!

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